


Walls will come crumbling down

by oneawkwardcookie



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Abby is only mentioned, Canon compliant up until 3x15, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)/ Ana Flores, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Jealous Eddie Diaz, Jealous Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Oblivious Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Only one of them gets paid to put up with Eddie's emotional constipation, Past Evan "Buck" Buckley/Abby Clark, Pre-Relationship Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Protective Eddie Diaz, Same for Maddie and Sue, Special shout out to Frank and Abuela, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:54:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24262420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneawkwardcookie/pseuds/oneawkwardcookie
Summary: All the water and mud and dirt and hurt and pain crumbled, until all that was left was a singular realisation: he loved Eddie.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 322





	Walls will come crumbling down

The walls came crashing down.

All the water and mud and dirt and hurt and pain crumbled, until all that was left was a singular realisation: he loved Eddie.

Buck pressed his hand against the shower wall and dropped his head against the torrent of water. As he watched the soot and muck of the day swirl down the drain, his shoulders wilted with exhaustion and the weight of his realisation.

He had almost lost Eddie and it had terrified him to his core. Buck wiped a hand against his cheek, feeling the ghost tracks of his tears, and blinked against the welling emotion that he was teetering on the edge of.

No, no, this couldn't be happening. He couldn't mess up another relationship, not when it could break apart the only family he was a part of. He couldn't lose them all just because he had leapt without looking again.

And Eddie. Good Lord, Eddie. The angry part of him berated himself - how could he fall for Eddie: so considerate and forgiving and brave... and straight. Buck had only ever come out to Maddie, so an aching part of him begged for a chance that Eddie was the same. But between Shannon and what he'd been told about Eddie’s interactions with Ms Flores, his heart sunk further.

He shook his head and switched off the water, moving out of the shower and getting dressed without thinking. Before he knew it, he was standing in his kitchen, feeling emptier than he'd felt in a while. Maybe he was a ghost, or just invisible when Christopher wasn't bouncing on his sofa or Eddie wasn't leaning against his kitchen sink, hand wrapped around the neck of a beer bottle.

Rubbing a hand across his aching forehead, he couldn’t help but think that he should have seen this coming from the very beginning.

*

Eddie had been given a second chance. A third chance, even. So, Frank got another chance as well. The sun was setting behind him as he made his way into the therapist's office, carefully sitting himself down at the edge of the seat, hand curling slightly over the sofa arm.

Frank moved himself forward a little, to avoid the sun streaming through the blinds.

“How are you feeling?”

The silence felt like a grave and a single tear dripped from his left eye onto his shirt pocket, as he brought his hands up to catch the rest.

"I feel – everything." Frank is a hazy blur, but he tried hard not to let his head fall into his hands.

“I almost didn’t make it back and that was terrifying, I almost left everyone behind and I’m – I’m not that guy.” The word ‘anymore’ tapped him lightly on the shoulder, but he didn’t want to open that up, not today.

Frank nodded understandingly. “What helped you get back?”

Eddie had to take a deep breath, his lungs both empty and heavy. He started to talk about Christopher and Buck and his firehouse family, how they had given him the strength to fight, and he felt a smile twitching at his lips at the memories of the good things in his life.

“They’re the most important people in my life, I couldn’t do this without my family.”

*

Buck finds out about Ana two weeks later, when Christopher blurts it out. A competitive Connect Four match resulted in Buck’s head squished in Chris’ armpit in a childish imitation of a headlock. Chris is squealing and laughing at Buck, who is making a show of struggling.

“Buddy you’ve gotten so strong – this must be why you beat everyone you know at Connect Four!”

Chris giggles, “I beat you and I beat Dad and I wanted to beat Ms Flores, but Dad said she didn’t want to play”

Buck stops his pretend struggling and effortlessly unhooks his head from Chris’ grip. “Ms Flores?”

“Ms Flores came for dinner on Sunday and I watched Finding Nemo again – ” Buck zones out, the cogs grinding into place as unprompted images of Eddie on a date pop into his head, leaning close with this woman over beers at the kitchen table, arm draped over her as they lounged on the sofa in front of the fireplace –

He shakes himself out of his spiral and looks to his right, as Eddie obliviously shuffles around the kitchen. His heart leaps up and over a cliff.

“Hey buddy, it’s getting kinda late, I’ve gotta head home. Great match though!” He lifts his hand up for a high five, ruffling the kid’s hair before quietly making his way out.

Eddie starts at the click of the latch, making his way into the living room. He looks down with a smile at Christopher, before looking up, gaze lingering at the front door.

*

The engine pulls into the station with a satisfied whoosh, and the crew make their way slowly out of the truck, spilling out into the firehouse and making their way towards the kitchen.

Buck is the last to get out, eyes and mouth downcast. He almost doesn’t notice Eddie, who he’d been sitting diagonally opposite from, was waiting on the concrete, hands jammed into his pockets.

“Hey,” he ventures, “how’s it going? What have you been up to?”

“Fine, not much.” Eddie feels his own frown lines deepening at Buck’s closemouthed monosyllabic response, before unhooking his hands.

“Christopher is having a sleepover, if you want to come over and hang out with me and a bunch of nine-year olds?”

Buck opens and closes his mouth, before schooling himself into an expression that looks like resignation.

“No, thanks.”

The conversation appears to be over, as Buck turns and strides towards the stairs. Eddie is left open armed and open mouthed, staring at his back in surprise.

By the time he makes it upstairs, Buck has sat on the far end of the table, staring hard at the pasta in front of him. Eddie slowly makes his way into the only remaining seat, eyebrows still knitted together as he picks at his food and wonders why, with everyone packed around the table, the room feels so cold.

*

Frank leans back in his chair, waiting for Eddie to respond to his question about what’s been going on this week. Eddie tries to school his thoughts, but some seem to flick to the front of his mind unbidden.

He starts to talk about work, about the call with the rope rescue and how he hadn’t felt concerned about it (him and Buck proving yet again that they made a great team), and how good it had felt to have the normalcy of work (although Buck appeared to have been quieter than normal). His jaw twitches at that thought, but he soldiers on.

“Chris has been doing well in school too – he bought home one of his plants the other day.” He puts on a smile at that.

“So has there been any change in your relationships?” Eddie smile falters and fades.

“Fine, same as normal,” – except, his mind supplies, not with everyone – “Heck, I even went on a date a couple of days ago, which… it’s been a while. It’s hard to arrange when you have to think about childcare” (what with Buck being so busy and unavailable lately). 

“Are you worried about putting your grandmother under a sense of obligation to take care of Christopher?”

Eddie shrugs the suggestion off. “No it’s not her –” He stops, not sure where his train of thought is taking him.

Frank nods once, and Eddie can’t help but feel petulance at his patient persistence.

“Who are you worried about?”

Eddie starts to speak, his hands starting to flail a little and eyes flitting side to side, “I – I just don’t want things to change. I don’t want people to judge me, or to think that means I don’t care about, about the other things in my life. It’s not either or, I still need – my family.”

Frank quirks an eyebrow as he asks, “Why do you think you can’t have both?” Eddie’s eyes glaze over a little, and he slumps, feeling an echo of the kind of exhaustion he had just over two weeks ago, just without the hope at the end of the tunnel.

*

Eddie finds out a day later that Abby is back. Denny and Christopher are playing with an assortment of building blocks, in a way that makes Eddie’s heart stutter. Hen is sitting on a seat across from him, and is somehow managing to rock the baby, keep an eye on Denny and maintain a conversation with Eddie.

“This is nice,” Hen smiles back at him, “we should do this again, with everyone else, this Tuesday?”

Hen pouts in thought for a second, waving her free hand at Denny to stay on the rug, whilst continuing to bounce a burbling Nia.

“I think we’re having dinner with Bobby and Athena that night, plus Buckaroo said he’s meeting Abby, so not sure that really works.”

Eddie’s eyebrows creep up, trying to place the name, before realising where he heard it, a long while back. “Buck’s imaginary girlfriend?!?”

The increased volume and incredulity are enough to make Denny pause his building, giving Christopher the perfect opportunity to grab the Lego firefighter figure. Hen places a hand on his knee and nods.

She gets up and hands Nia over to Eddie. Over the boys’ cries and Hen’s attempt to mediate, he wonders why Buck hasn’t told him. He’s not told me much over the last week, he thinks bitterly. Nia starts to wail.

“You too huh?” Eddie can’t seem to catch a break.

*

They’re leaning around the kitchen counter, a frying pan sizzling away and sending meaty smoke wafting over to the pinball machine, where Eddie’s propped up, smirking as Bobby tries to patiently explain how to not burn a steak. Chim’s too busy rolling his eyes and trying to grab vegetables from the chopping board, as Eddie chuckles at the memory of the extinguisher foam that they’d been faced with last time.

Putting the knife down and throwing his hands up, Bobby swipes a carrot stick from Chimney.

“How about you learn to make something sweet instead. That way, you don’t have to invade the sanctity of my kitchen,” he picks up the spatula and flips the steak, “and we don’t need to worry about where our desserts are from.”

“Ooh, Maddie bought in some cookies that Abby bought to the dispatch centre – those were incredible, I wonder how she made them.”

Eddie zones out, trying to recall whether Maddie had met Abby before. He doesn’t think they have, because Maddie turned up around the time he joined, and he’s never met Abby, but if Buck is introducing them now –

Chim nudges into Eddie, and he has to press a hand onto the wall to avoid overbalancing. “I was saying, have you ever had weed brownies?”

Eddie shakes his head a little, as though that’ll make things clearer, “Um, once, with a boy in high school,” he mumbles, his legs already taking him towards the trucks.

He almost collides into Buck, who is bounding up the stairs at the smell of lunch. Buck takes a step back, hands coming up in apology before dropping to his sides. Eddie doesn’t look him in the eyes, and walks past him, shoulders brushing harshly against each other

Buck flops onto the sofa, as Chim and Bobby look over the balcony to see Eddie stomping around the supply cupboard, before exchanging a look.

*

They’d gotten a call, of what sounded like a microwave fire that’d spread faster than expected, with one woman trapped somewhere in the house. Before the engine had fully come to a stop, Buck and Eddie are springing into action: jumping out, one after the other.

Bobby calls out to them, and with a nod, they make their way into the house, Eddie going left and Buck going right. They weave in and out of the rooms, effortlessly, seamlessly, wordlessly. He hears Buck call out and runs over to the front bedroom, each grabbing one of the woman’s hands and leading her out of the house.

Once they’re clear and have handed her over to Chim and Hen, they run to help the others, settling in with shoulders bumping as they douse the house. As the smoke curls and fades into the afternoon sky, Bobby claps them both on the shoulder.

It’s only once they’re back in the truck that Eddie finally hazards a glance over to Buck, who has yet again pressed himself next to Hen. His shoulders are drooped, blue eyes glinting pale and unfocussed, lips pressed into a solemn line. He’s seen that look too many times over the last week.

Something in Eddie roars with a growing anger – was this Abby’s doing? Although he’d witnessed the pining and heartbreak first-hand, he’d only really heard how they were together second-hand. She couldn’t be good for him if he looked like this, incomplete and unhappy. He deserved to be happy.

He must have been staring in thought for too long, because Hen clears her throat and Buck looks up. There’s a flash-bulb grin, a reflex from countless rides and jobs well done, before he slumps forward even more.

The fire is extinguished and all that is left is a smouldering pain, and Eddie feels helpless against it. 

*

Eddie had summoned up the courage that evening to call and tell Abuela he had a date tomorrow, and thinks he hears a sigh and muttered ‘por fin’ before he barrels ahead and asks if she can take Christopher for the evening.

When he goes to drop Christopher off at 6pm, he’s a little confused at the relief and pride on her face, and her “Me alegro que hayas decidido seguir tu corazón—pero ten cuidado que no lo estropeas.” Eddie places a kiss on her cheek and tries to placate his nerves as he drives to the restaurant.

Ana is already there when he gets to the restaurant, and he feels a little panic before he realises that he’d remembered to make a reservation. Still, he feels rusty as they hug and his hands fumble in opening the restaurant door.

He feels a little steadier by the time they slide into a corner booth, and he tries to stay calm as he pours water out for them both. They make small talk about the drive over, before she asks him about work.

He tells her about the latest call, focussing on the lack of casualties and trying to make a joke about fire safety. The smile he gets back is polite, and all he can think of is how well he’d worked with Buck, and how poorly things were working with him otherwise.

The waiter comes around with a smile and two menus, and Ana picks hers up and starts to browse. Eddie looks down, and then reaches across to grab his. He asks her how work is going, and she beams and launches into a story about how she’d found a new website for teaching maths, and how the good weather meant that the classroom plants were doing well.

“I was surprised that Chris’ plant is doing so well!” Her smile feels real this time, but Eddie can’t return it.

“He’s good with plants – all his previous teachers said so too.”

“I just didn’t expect –” She cuts herself off at the thunderous look on his face.

She tries again. “Does he take after you then?”

“No. I’m rubbish with them, black thumbed.” A smile stretches up as he remembers Christopher and their conversation from that day, and how happy he’d been when they’d all gone skateboarding. He wasn’t limited, no matter what people tried to tell him, he just needed love and support and –

He must look like a deer in headlights, from the confusion on Ana’s face as the realisation hits him.

“Ana, I’m sorry.” The look on her face tells him she understands. “That’s alright, Mr. Diaz”, she stands and puts her coat on, “it was worth a try”.

*

It’s 7pm on a Monday and Eddie is driving over to Buck’s – nothing unusual there. Except there’s an urgency that he doesn’t normally feel, like the distant rumbling of a storm. Normally, the drive over is both noisy, with Christopher increasing in excitement as he gets nearer, and calming, as Eddie feels himself winding down after a long day.

This time, the city itself seems to quiet itself and he can almost hear his own heartbeat in the emptiness of the car.

His hand seems to weigh a ton as he knocks the door. He is suddenly hit with the realisation that he hadn’t texted Buck that he was coming over and he probably should have this time: what if he was out or Abby was over or – 

Buck opens the door slowly, a hint of a smile sweeping across his face before the pain returns to his eyes. Eddie gawps for a second, before realising that he’s the one that’s turned up uninvited at Buck’s house.

“Are you free?” There’s a pause before Buck nods and moves aside, silently letting Eddie in. The silence from the car seems to have followed him in, leaving a thundering rumble in his ears. They’re left standing in his kitchen, six feet apart, in a move that seems conscious on Buck’s part and unnatural for Eddie.

His voice seems too loud as he demands, “Have you been avoiding me?”

Buck takes a step forward. “No more than you’ve been avoiding me. You know you can talk to me Eddie, about anything?”

“I do.” He is earnest, even though his stomach twists into another knot, with a twinge of guilt. “I’ve been worried about you?” It’s not a question, but it sounds like one, especially with how off balance he feels.

“About me?” There’s a joyless mirth that twists Buck’s mouth into a parody of his normal wide mouthed grin, and yet his eyes seem to soften somewhat.

“I don’t want you to get your heart broken again.” He swallows, teeth gritted under his closed lips.

Eyebrows quirked and head tilted, Buck slowly replies, “That’s just life though. Ana could do the same to you.” Eddie looks up in surprise, wondering who mentioned Ana to him – he hadn’t told anyone at the 118 and he didn’t think Carla would have talked about it.

“That’s not a thing anymore.” The words are out before he can think about them, but they’re the most certain thing he’s said all day. “It was never really a thing.” It feels like truth coming out of her well.

Buck blinks slowly, relief and realisation dawning on his face as he says “Abby and I aren’t either.”

“But Maddie –”

“She went to say hi to Sue; they worked together when Abby worked there.”

“Who told you about –”

“Christopher, a week ago.”

“A week ago.” The repeated words hang in the air.

“I’m sorry.” Today seems to be a day of firsts for Eddie, but that’s all it takes for Buck to take the final few steps and wrap him up in his arms. He loses his breath as his solid chest hits him, a wall of warmth.

It takes a few seconds but when he feels Buck’s damp eyes against the side of his head, the floodgates open. He allows himself to feel everything and it’s terrifying and freeing and Buck’s hands are white knuckled in his shirt, his own are clasped against Buck’s hoodie, soaking his right shoulder.

Buck starts to mutter in his ears, “I thought I’d lost you.”

Eddie pulls back, fingers still clinging to Buck, so that he can look into those eyes and tell him, “You’ll never lose me, or Christopher. You’ll always have us.”

Buck looks at him like the answer to a prayer and it makes Eddie want to promise him the world. He brings his hands round to cup Buck’s face, and that storm in his head sends lightning through his palms.

Buck licks his lips, chest rising nervously, and Eddie’s eyes flick up and down. Life’s too short, he tells himself, I need to follow my heart. A giggle bubbles out of him, and Buck tilts his head again.

“Abuela worked it out!” God, he feels almost delirious.

“It’s you. I know who you are, and you matter. I want us to be a family.” Eddie’s heart is dangling off a cliff, and Bucks catches it as he captures his lips. It feels like falling: effortlessly, seamlessly, wordlessly.

When they break apart, Buck is breathing heavily, and all he can say is “Yes.” The walls have crashed down and what’s left is what was always there, and it’s everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Translation:
> 
> Por fin = Finally!  
> Me alegro que hayas decidido seguir tu corazón—pero ten cuidado que no lo estropeas = I’m glad you decided to follow your heart—but be careful not to ruin it (many thanks to [@michaelgrantnash](https://michaelgrantnash.tumblr.com) on tumblr for helping with translation, especially since the original line was "I’m glad you’re putting yourself out there – just don’t mess it up" but this is so much better)
> 
> **
> 
> This is based on my post [on tumblr](https://oneawkwardcookie.tumblr.com/post/616533726892113920/the-way-i-see-it-thisll-be-the-way-they-could)).
> 
> Please don't copy or repost this work anywhere.


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